About
Reflecting on Respect
In his address in Chapel on Tuesday morning, Rev Holland delivered some poignant thoughts about the challenges of our time, the virtues of Shawnigan and our commitment to respect within our community.
I would like to share the address here, with his permission.
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I grew up at a time when the world was changing in big ways. The feminist movement, the civil rights movement, changing notions of gender roles, and the Vietnam war all were happening when I was around your age. So, I know what it is like to grow up in turbulent times. Even so, I understand that the world in which you are growing up is in some ways even more challenging and tumultuous.
I grew up at a time when the world was changing in big ways. The feminist movement, the civil rights movement, changing notions of gender roles, and the Vietnam war all were happening when I was around your age. So, I know what it is like to grow up in turbulent times. Even so, I understand that the world in which you are growing up is in some ways even more challenging and tumultuous.
You are facing all kinds of questions and expectations that can be difficult to navigate. Changes in perception about gender, the Me Too movement, political correctness, political incorrectness, the constant stimulation and input from the internet, etc.
Although I am always happy to talk about them, I don't pretend to have any specific answers for you about how to make sense out of the changes in the world.
But, at the risk of being repetitive, I would like to suggest that the underlying and enduring virtues that Shawnigan has always striven to emulate are still where we will ultimately find the answers we need.
So what are those virtues? You know yourself: respect of person (of self and others) , compassion, a willingness to listen to others and a commitment to ensuring that our community is one in which everyone is safe both physically and emotionally.
I am confident that none of these are up for debate, even though we might all have slightly different ideas about how to go about making sure that our community reflects them.
So, let me share a few ideas about respect this morning, not because I know better than you, (although maybe I do), but really what I want to do is to give you some ways to think for yourself about what it means to allow the virtues that we prize to guide us through the maze of opinions, expectations and questions that face us all these days.
Respect is about recognizing and calling forth the best in one another. And at Shawnigan that recognition takes specific forms. It can be seen in the way we address one another and in the way we dress, in the way we greet one another and in the way we treat one another.
Respect is a practice, a practice that involves certain gestures and activities. The point isn't for us to be stuffy or phony, but to use certain outward gestures to indicate and cultivate an inward attitude. This inward attitude is about the way students value the knowledge and dedication and experience of their teachers, coaches and other staff members. And it is about the way staff members value the efforts and commitment (and challenges) of the students.
These gestures take different forms at different times. You may notice is that when I approach the altar on Saturday morning I bow. I am not suggesting that you do the same, but pointing out that this is a way for me to show respect to this place and to the role that I have as a clergyman. It is a kind of physical prayer. Some of you come from places where it is a tradition to bow to one another as a sign of respect. I was recently in Japan, where the bow is still very much in vogue among older people. That too is a physical expression of an inward attitude.
When the Headmaster enters the chapel, we stand. This is not because he is better than the rest of us. It is an acknowledgement and a sign of respect for his role as headmaster, and by extension, it is a way for us to show respect for the whole community. Another way that we respect one another is to wait in line, in the dining hall for instance, going for breakfast or for a salad. We don't walk in front of other students as if our time is more valuable than theirs. We wait along with everyone else.
While respect finds expression in all these outward forms, ultimately it is about making others feel comfortable, and even more with making them feel acknowledged and cared for.
As we attempt to discover how we feel about particular issues and questions, and how to converse about those things in a way that is productive and useful, the most important thing is to engage with each other in a respectful way, to listen to the other's point of view and to offer our ideas in a way that doesn't shut the other person down. We need to give others space to try out ideas without reacting before they have finished getting them out. Listening respectfully is a high art. It requires a great deal of maturity. We must be able at times not to react emotionally and at other times to say when we find someone's words hurtful. The most important thing is that we are all learning together. In the end, opinions of worth are ones that create stronger relationships, a greater sense of freedom for all of us to explore what we believe in, and a community in which all feel safe and secure.
There is nothing gained from disrespecting ourselves or others. The writer Kurt Vonnegut said that rudeness is the unpardonable sin. It has no justification, it serves no good purpose. There is no excuse for it. It is simply the act of spreading unhappiness. On the other hand, the little effort it takes to be respectful can make all the difference in the world.
I encourage each one of us to make a commitment this morning to strive to live up to the legacy left to us by thousands of students and staff throughout the history of Shawnigan – to be people characterized by the respect that we show to one another.
Presented by Reverend Holland
13th November, 2018
We acknowledge with respect the Coast Salish Peoples on whose traditional lands and waterways we live, learn and play. We are grateful for the opportunity to share in this beautiful region, and we aspire to healthy and respectful relationships with those who have lived on and cared for these lands for millennia.
Shawnigan Lake School is an independent co-educational boarding school for ages 13 –18 on Canada’s beautiful West Coast. Our diverse, interdisciplinary and innovative programming helps shape the next generation of global leaders.
